Just As I Am Read online

  Just As I Am

  Lynn Jaxon

  Contents

  Chapter 1

  Chapter 2

  Chapter 3

  Chapter 4

  Chapter 5

  Chapter 6

  Chapter 7

  Chapter 8

  Chapter 9

  Chapter 10

  Chapter 11

  Chapter 12

  Chapter 13

  Chapter 14

  Chapter 15

  Chapter 16

  Chapter 17

  Chapter 18

  Chapter 19

  Chapter 20

  Chapter 21

  Chapter 22

  Chapter 23

  Chapter 24

  Chapter 25

  Chapter 26

  Chapter 27

  Chapter 28

  Chapter 29

  Chapter 30

  Chapter 31

  Chapter 32

  Chapter 33

  Chapter 34

  Chapter 35

  Chapter 36

  Chapter 37

  Chapter 38

  Chapter 39

  Chapter 40

  Chapter 41

  Chapter 42

  Chapter 43

  Chapter 44

  Chapter 45

  Chapter 46

  Chapter 47

  Chapter 48

  Chapter 49

  Chapter 50

  Chapter 51

  Chapter 52

  Chapter 53

  Chapter 54

  Chapter 55

  Chapter 56

  Chapter 57

  Chapter 58

  Chapter 59

  Epilogue

  Acknowledgments

  Contact Lynn

  Chapter One

  Benson

  I stop by the florist on my way home to pick up the arrangement of gerbera daisies I ordered this morning. Thinking about Em always puts a smile on my face. She is what makes me what I am. I’m a fool crazy in love with my wife. I pull into the driveway of our four-bedroom home in this quiet neighborhood and reflect on just how much I have to be thankful for. Twenty-five years of marriage has brought us two handsome boys, successful careers, this beautiful home, and most important of all, our all-consuming love.

  I open the door and yell, “Honey, I’m home,” as I walk into the kitchen. I look up and there she is, my gorgeous wife. She is smiling brightly as she tucks her long auburn hair behind her ears.

  “Happy anniversary, my beautiful wife. Twenty-five years and you still make me lose my breath when I see you.”

  Em’s eyes light up. “Are those pink gerbera daisies for me?”

  “Whatever gave you that idea? They’re for your mom.” Em gasps and hits my arm, feigning hurt. She knows good and well these are for her. They’re her favorite flowers, and I have given them to her on every anniversary for the past twenty-four years. So, it’s a given she’d get them for our twenty-fifth. “Of course, they’re for you. Beautiful flowers for my beautiful wife.” I kiss her with everything I have and then pull away, leaving her hungry for more.

  After that kiss, she is breathing hard and feeling wanton. “Why do you always do that to me?” she says as her green eyes peer up, full of heat and love, all for me. “You come home looking all sexy in your EM Fitness tank and athletic pants, get me all riled up and then pull away.”

  I just chuckle. “Tonight, my dear wife, I have plans for you, and there will be plenty more where that came from.” I am now officially hard as steel and shift uncomfortably to get some relief. I am about ready to say to hell with my plans and take her right here and right now on the kitchen island. The coolness of the polished concrete counters pressing into her back would have her writhing and cause her nipples to harden even more for me. Shit, I need to snap out of it, and quick, or I am totally going to ruin my dinner plans.

  “Do you mean you aren’t going to go back to the gym tonight to check up on all the newbies that you just hired?”

  “Baby, give me more credit than that. It’s our anniversary. You’re the only person I’m going to be checking out tonight. Besides, that is what Alan is for. I didn’t ask him to come and work for me for nothing. We are in our prime, and I can’t wait to spend our pre-golden and golden years together doing all kinds of exploring,” I say as I waggle my eyebrows.

  Em playfully slaps me on the chest and says, “You’re such a goof. Who are you calling pre-golden anyway, old man? I’m still a spring chicken. Forty-three is the new twenty.”

  “Honey, you put all those twenty-year-olds to shame.” This is one of the many things that I love about her. She just doesn’t know how beautiful she is. I am one hell of a lucky bastard.

  Em smiles at me and then a pained look crosses her face. “What’s wrong, Em?”

  Em rubs her temples. “I’m fine. It’s just this damn headache that keeps popping up. I’ve just been tired lately. It’s no big deal.”

  She has been having a lot of headaches lately. If this keeps up, I'm going to insist that she go to the doctor and get checked out. Migraines are no fun and can be quite debilitating.

  Em takes a BC headache powder. And like magic, twenty minutes later she is acting as if nothing is bothering her. She is singing and dancing in the closet while she is looking for something sexy to wear to our anniversary dinner at the premier steak house that just opened last week. I was able to get us reservations to Sexton Steakhouse because the owner is a member of my gym.

  A few minutes later, I hear the shower come on in our master bathroom. The steam and the smell of lavender and vanilla are too much to resist. I slide off my pants and Calvin Klein briefs and yank off my tank, stepping into the shower with her. With her eyes closed and her head tilted back so her long auburn hair is under the spray of hot water, she is the sexiest thing alive. It’s like her body knows I’m here. Her nipples harden, and goose bumps cover her arms. Slowly, I make my way from her shapely calves up to her glistening center that is calling out to me, the landing strip trimmed just how I like it. Em gasps as I lick my way up and pepper kisses on her inner thighs up to her folds. She grasps my hair and pulls me closer, panting my name over and over until she shatters in my mouth. I slowly stand, kissing my way back up to her luscious lips. She moans tasting herself on my tongue. Em loves it when I kiss her deeply after she comes in my mouth. I lift her up, she wraps her long legs around my hips, and I slide her onto my throbbing cock. She is so tight and wet, just for me. Reaching down I rub her clit at a maddening pace, and together we fall off the cliff into bliss.

  I fill my hands with her lavender body wash and rub them all over her silky wet skin, gently washing her and giving special attention to all my favorite areas. I wrap her in a towel, carrying her to our king size bed. She looks like a goddess with her glistening body and wet hair fanned across the soft satin pillow.

  “Roll over baby. I want to give you a massage before you get dressed.” I squeeze Em’s favorite lavender and vanilla scented lotion into my hands and show her with my touch just how much she means to me. She moans the minute my hands touch her shoulders. As I rub my way down her back and whisper in her ear, she visibly shivers. I know it’s not the cold. It’s my touch. She has the same effect on me.

  “How’s your head? Is it still bothering you?”

  She gives me a wicked grin and says, “You made me forget all about my head the minute you stepped into the shower. Now feed me. I’m starving.”

  I sit back on the bed and watch her slide on her garter belt before stepping into her sexy as sin dress that makes her look as if she’s lost ten pounds. Em knows I’m looking, so she puts on quite the show, rubbing up and down her legs to smooth out her hose. Em is a natural beauty and doesn’t need much makeup. She takes care of her skin using only the
best moisturizing lotion, a little powder, and blush. Her green eyes look even bigger once she coats her lashes with mascara.

  While she is applying the little bit of makeup that she wears, I throw on my Calvin Klein briefs, charcoal grey pants, deep purple button-up shirt, and sports coat. Em whistles as she looks up and sees me behind her in the mirror. She bites and licks her plump lips that are now covered in a shimmering gloss that I know tastes like cherries.

  Em holds my hand as we drive the four miles to the restaurant. She is singing “Beautiful Crazy” by Luke Combs at the top of her lungs as we pull into the parking lot.

  When we arrive at the restaurant, all eyes are on us. Em looks breathtaking in her strapless emerald green dress that makes her green eyes pop. I am the envy of every man in the room.

  Once we are seated, we order our favorite wine and Em orders a filet and shrimp scampi. I order a porterhouse steak and potato. We talk about what the kids have been up to while we drink our wine and wait for dinner to arrive. She informs me that Henry called yesterday and told her that both he and Mitch have straight A’s going into their finals. I am so glad they got their smarts from their mother.

  Dinner is not complete without dessert, but the dessert I want I can’t have in the middle of this fancy restaurant. We end up splitting a deliciously sinful chocolate cake instead. And of course, we have coffee.

  While we are waiting on the check, I reach into my pocket and pull out the black velvet box I’ve been hiding at the office. Subtly, I slide it across the table to her. Her smile is blinding as she gingerly picks up the box and slowly lifts the lid. She gasps when she opens the lid and sees the silver locket charm and necklace with a picture of the boys and me.

  “Oh Benson, I love it. Will you please put it on me?”

  I get up from my seat and move around the table, standing behind her. I lift her long silky hair off her neck and settle it over her shoulder. I place a kiss behind her ear as I secure the necklace. I can see the tears of joy glistening in her eyes.

  Just as we are getting up from the table, as I had planned, Ed Sheeran’s song “Perfect” comes on. I pull Em into my arms and sing the words in her ear while we sway to the music, unaware of the world around us. This is my “perfect” right here in my arms.

  Em is crying as clapping and cheers erupt around the restaurant. Best anniversary ever.

  On our way home, the boys called to wish us happy anniversary. Em’s face lights up at the sight of Mitch’s number on the caller ID. Both Mitch and Henry are in college at the University of Arkansas. Mitch is in his first year of law school, and Henry is studying pre-law and political science, following in his brother’s footsteps. They both fell in love with Arkansas when they went to visit Em’s best friend, Marley, in the summer when the boys were younger. The Arkansas Razorbacks made a big impression when they watched a football game.

  After we end the call with the boys, Em looks over at me and says, “Thank you, again for the beautiful necklace. When did you and the boys get your picture taken?”

  “Remember when I flew down to Dallas to open the new EM Fitness. The boys met me there, we took in a Rangers game, and then had our photo taken. I have a 20x24 canvas being made as we speak. Your men will be larger than life on the living room wall.”

  She laughs. The sound wraps around me, giving me the comfort that only she can. “You guys are larger than life all right. I wouldn’t have it any other way. I love you so much.”

  “And I love you more than words can say. Thank you for the best twenty-five years of my life.” I bring her hand to my lips and kiss her knuckles. I don’t release my hold on her until we are pulling into the driveway.

  We can’t get inside fast enough. As soon as I shut the door, I sweep her up in my arms and carry her into the bedroom. I light candles around the room that leave a soft glow. I pull her back into my arms and slowly unzip her dress. The fabric immediately pools at her feet. My girl looks stunning in just her garter belt, hose, and heels. She has been sans bra and panties all night, and it has been killing me. Dropping to my knees, I lick and bite my way up her legs and to my heaven. Seeing desire glistening on her folds is driving me wild. I find myself just staring at her beautiful body, and she is having none of that. She runs her fingers through my hair, then along my face and beard, pulling me down to exactly where I want to be. She smells like heaven and tastes like sin. I could live here. Em’s breathing grows heavy, causing me to look up. She is a vision before me with her head thrown back and her breasts heavy. I lick her softly and then bite down on her clit, causing her to explode. Em pulls me up and pulls open my shirt, causing several buttons to pop. Down come my pants and briefs all in one tug. My cock is throbbing and purple. Pre-cum is leaking from the tip. Em takes her thumb rubbing it over the tip of my engorged head. She then puts her thumb in her mouth and sucks, causing me to almost explode right there.

  “Stay like that, baby,” I pant. She looks so sexy with her ass in the air and heels on her feet, making her legs look like they go on for days. She shakes her luscious, round ass at me, and I want to roar like the animal I am when it comes to her.

  I grab her hips and pull her onto my hard cock. She moans loudly. I wrap her hair around my fist and take her with everything in me. She is screaming out my name and saying words she would never say in the light of day. I can feel her orgasm building as I pump into her. “Come for me, Em. I’m right there with you.” She begins to scream and pulse around my cock, causing me to explode.

  We lay down in a sated heap and let the love we have surround us. She gets better with each passing day. I am the luckiest man in the world. I run my fingers up and down her arm and tell her how much I love her. Her words echo mine.

  As much as I don’t want to leave the warmth of her body, I get up to get a warm washcloth to clean her up. It’s not long before we fall into a deep, blissful sleep.

  Chapter Two

  Benson

  I wake up to the smell of coffee and cinnamon rolls. Em knows how much I love those cinnamon rolls in a can. I know it’s not healthy, but what good does owning a gym do when you can’t eat what you want?

  When I arrive in the kitchen, I see the coffee pot is full, and there is a plate of cinnamon rolls with a note on the table. I open the folded piece of paper, and the scent of lavender and vanilla surrounds me. That scent will forever be Em. I pick up the note, bringing it to my nose, and breathe it in, feeling like she is right there with me. Good morning my sleeping muscle man. I got called into the hospital early because one of the night shift nurses became ill and had to leave. I didn’t want to wake you because you were sleeping so peacefully after I wore you out last night. I hope these are still warm when you get up. All my love! I’ll see you around seven thirty tonight. Just reading her words puts a smile on my face. She is such a wonderful wife, mother, and nurse. She gives her everything to us all.

  Em is the daytime charge nurse on the ortho floor at our local hospital. She absolutely loves her job, especially working with the elderly because of the close bond she had with her grandmother. Em says the next best thing to working at the nursing home is the orthopedic floor.

  After feeding my face, I jump in the shower and then head to the gym. EM Fitness is my home away from home. It was my goal in high school. When Em and I got married at age 18, I worked my ass off to make both our dreams become a reality. My grandparents left me a small inheritance that I used to open the gym, while Em went to nursing school. My best friend Alan went to college for business management, and I hired him as soon as he graduated to help me with the business side of the gym. I got certified as a personal trainer since I prefer the heavy lifting to the number crunching, so it's a win-win for both of us. Alan is flying to Hawaii in December to help launch our thirteenth gym. We now have several locations around the United States.

  As I walk in the gym, I am aware of the ladies’ eyes on me. They stop what they are doing and blatantly fluff their hair and reposition their breasts in their tight ta
nks, but I don’t even give them a second look. I have all I will ever need and want at home. All these women see is my muscular body, beard, and tats. They don’t know me. No fling would ever be worth losing the woman who knows me inside and out.

  As I enter the office, Alan yells, “Why haven’t you been answering your phone? Dr. Davenport called here looking for you and needs you to call him ASAP. It sounds very important.”

  Dr. Davenport is one of the orthopedic surgeons and a good friend of Em’s. What could he possibly want? I pick up the phone and call Dr. Davenport’s direct line. He picks up on the first ring.

  “Benson, I need you to come to the hospital right now.” There is an urgency in his voice that has all the hairs on my neck rising.

  My heart rate quickens, and I can’t seem to get my words to come. “What’s wrong? Is something wrong with Em?” My mind races with all the possibilities of what could have happened to my wife. She frequently has to deal with patients with dementia, who can be quite aggressive. Did one of them hurt her? Is it the headaches she’s been having? Oh God, please let her be okay.

  Dr. Davenport clears his throat and says, “She has been admitted and is getting an MRI right now.”